Tusk Tusk Read online

  Polly Stenham

  Tusk Tusk

  He hid the lobster.

  You found it.

  Smudge.

  Pup.

  This one’s for you.

  Contents

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Characters

  Act One

  Act Two

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Royal Court programme

  Copyright

  Characters

  Eliot

  fifteen

  Maggie

  fourteen

  Finn

  seven

  Cassie

  Katie

  forties

  Roland

  forties

  Man

  from upstairs

  Whenever possible this play should be performed with actors of the same age, or very close to, that of the young characters.

  TUSK TUSK

  Act One

  SCENE ONE

  Early morning. Present day. The open-plan living room of a flat in London. The front door leads directly into the room, as is the custom with town houses that have been divided into two living spaces. There is a kitchen area and a trapdoor that leads down into the basement. Closed floor-length curtains mask a large window leading out to the garden. A further door leads into adjoining bedrooms. The occupants have only just moved in. White moving boxes take the place of all furniture and furnishings with the exception of a large wooden table, a sofa and a dirty light fixture hanging from the ceiling. There is one mobile phone on the table.

  The stage is dark. Maggie lets out a piercing scream. The lights go up.

  We see Maggie, a girl of fourteen, standing petrified on the table. She is clutching a sheaf of money. As Eliot enters she stuffs it into her pocket.

  Eliot charges in, rumpled from sleep. At fifteen he is still more of a boy then a young man, but only just.

  Eliot What is it? What happened?

  Maggie I saw –

  Eliot What?

  Maggie A mouse.

  Eliot Is that it? Is that all?

  Maggie Well, it could have been a rat.

  Eliot I thought someone had broken in or –

  Maggie I swear it looked at me.

  Eliot Shut up.

  Maggie Right at me with its beady little eyes. Ugh.

  Eliot Don’t be such a girl.

  Maggie I am a girl.

  Eliot Technically.

  Maggie What do you mean, ‘technically’? That I’m pretending? For a laugh?

  Eliot No, just –

  Maggie ’Cause let me tell you, it’s not a laugh. Being a girl is a fucking mission.

  Eliot I’m going back to bed.

  Maggie There’s a rat, Eliot.

  Eliot I thought it was a mouse.

  Maggie Does it matter? Do something.

  Eliot Like what?

  Maggie I don’t know. Get rid of it. Please.

  Eliot Maggie, I can’t even see it.

  Maggie You haven’t looked.

  Eliot I’m looking now.

  Maggie Properly, Ellie.

  Eliot Fine. I’ll look ‘properly’.

  He pokes around the boxes half-heartedly. While his back is turned Maggie tries to stuff the money deeper into her pockets but some escapes and falls to the floor.

  I can’t see a thing. You probably imagined it … oh, hello … what’s that?

  Maggie tries to hide the money by stepping on it.

  Maggie Nothing.

  Eliot Show me.

  Maggie Your flies are undone.

  Eliot Show me.

  Maggie You look like a flasher.

  Eliot Give it, Maggie.

  Maggie Like one of those weird people in the park –

  He yanks it from under her foot and backs away, doing up his flies.

  Ouch.

  Eliot Fifty quid! Where did you find this?

  Maggie …

  Eliot Where, Maggie?

  Maggie I um … it …

  She looks suspicious, rams her hand further into her pocket.

  Eliot What’s in your pocket?

  Maggie shrugs.

  You’ve got more, haven’t you?

  Maggie No.

  Eliot Show me your hands.

  Maggie My hands are cold.

  He yanks her hand out of her pocket. Money falls to the floor.

  Eliot My God, what did you do, mug someone?

  Maggie It’s not that much.

  He counts.

  Eliot Two hundred quid! We’re loaded.

  Maggie Give it back.

  Eliot Where did you find it?

  Maggie In one of the boxes.

  Eliot You genius … let’s get takeaway.

  Maggie It’s eight in the morning.

  Eliot So?

  Maggie You can’t get takeaway at eight in the morning.

  Eliot We’re in London. You can get anything at eight in the morning. Come on, let’s have a Chinese breakfast …

  Maggie Give it back, Ellie.

  Eliot Dim sum yum.

  Maggie I’m serious. I want to keep it.

  Eliot No way. We’re splitting it.

  Maggie It’s bill money, Eliot. It’s not for crap. It’s for emergencies.

  Eliot Well, we don’t have any bills to pay, do we? We only just got here.

  Maggie Would you be sensible please. Just for a second. I’m better with money, you know I am, and we have to be careful –

  Eliot Sensible? You’re the one screaming over a pretend mouse.

  Maggie IT WAS A RAT!

  Eliot Oh I see. I understand now.

  Maggie What?

  Eliot No. It’s OK. I’ve read about this. I know what to expect.

  Maggie What are you talking about?

  Eliot It’s that time, isn’t it?

  Maggie Don’t you dare –

  Eliot It’s OK. Really. I understand. Things get stressful. Hormones flapping all over the place. No. It’s fine. You don’t need to explain your mood. I understand. It’s nature, after all.

  Maggie Put the money on the table.

  Eliot Maggie, look, you’ve dripped on the floor. A little splodge of blood –

  Maggie Put it there right now.

  Eliot It’s like a Borrower’s been murdered.

  Maggie NOW, ELIOT!

  Eliot I don’t think that’s wise, do you? I mean, you’re probably not thinking straight. Also, you know what they say …

  Maggie Shut up –

  Eliot You can’t trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.

  She pounces on him, he holds her hands up and she struggles, feline, but he is too strong.

  Maggie I hate you I hate you I hate you.

  There is a knocking on the door. They freeze. They glance at each other. Another knock. Their faces light up. Eliot slowly releases Maggie’s hands. He puts his fingers to his lips. Eliot creeps to the door and peeks through the peephole. He shakes his head. Maggie’s shoulders sag.

  Maggie (whispers) Who then?

  Eliot The guy from upstairs.

  Maggie Again?

  Eliot nods.

  What does he want?

  Eliot Shhh …

  The knocking stops. The man appears to have left.

  Maggie Maybe we should answer next time.

  We can’t avoid him for ever.

  Eliot We don’t have to avoid him for ever, do we?

  Maggie We could make something up.

  Eliot Like what?

  Maggie I don’t know, we could say –

  Eliot No way. No other people involved. We agreed.

  Maggie It might get him off our backs.

  Eliot On our backs more li
ke. Did you learn nothing from last time?

  Maggie It’s just he’s going to see us coming in and out, it just seems more sensible –

  Eliot It’s simple, we’ll go out at night. Like bats.

  Maggie What if we went upstairs and introduced ourselves? We could forge a letter from –

  Eliot No.

  Maggie I just –

  Eliot I said no.

  Maggie Don’t talk to me like that.

  Eliot Will you shut up about this?

  Maggie I’m not your wench.

  Eliot If I let you keep the money, will you shut up?

  Maggie All of it?

  Eliot Most of it.

  Maggie Ninety per cent of it?

  Eliot Deal.

  He spits on his hand and holds it out to shake Maggie’s. She looks at him with disdain.

  What? That’s what we always do.

  Maggie Times have changed. Your spit has become disgusting to me.

  Eliot Ouch. Pain. Deep in my heart.

  Maggie You have become disgusting to me.

  Eliot Arrows tipped in wit. I’m injured. Help me.

  Maggie Grow up.

  Eliot What’s the rush about?

  He flops on the sofa.

  Is there any food? I’m starving …

  Maggie Sorry, Peter Pan, forgive me. Did I not prepare you breakfast?

  Eliot Evidently, wench, you did not.

  She hits her own forehead.

  What are you doing?

  She does it again.

  Stop it. You’re being weird.

  Maggie I’m punishing myself for being a terrible human being. Obviously making your breakfast is the first thing I should have done. Instead of waking up early, scratching around for cash, and watching my phone. What I should have been doing was rustling you up one of those little trays, with a single flower in a wine glass and teeny tiny pots of jam and a folded newspaper, ever so crisply tucked between the teeny tiny pots of jam –

  Eliot I get your point, cut it out –

  Maggie And in the tiny space between the newspaper and the teeny tiny pots of jam I should have probably sprinkled some rose petals because –

  Eliot You know sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.

  Maggie (sarcastic) Really? Is it?

  Eliot Is there really no food …?

  Maggie There’s some tins and stuff. Stuff we brought down.

  Eliot Chinese it is.

  Maggie Do we really have to stay inside all day?

  Eliot Think of it as a lie-in.

  Maggie Where’s Finn?

  Eliot Snoozing.

  Maggie Have you got your phone?

  Eliot It’s in the other room.

  Maggie ELIOT!

  Eliot What? I’ll be able to hear it from here.

  Maggie What if you don’t? Eliot, Jesus. That was all you had to do.

  Eliot Relax, would you.

  Maggie We can’t miss a call. We have to have them with us all the time. Come on. We’ve been through this.

  Eliot OK, OK.

  Maggie Go and get it.

  Eliot Now?

  Maggie Yes now.

  He exits to get the phone. While he does so, Maggie carefully hides the money. He re-enters and puts his phone on the table next to Maggie’s.

  Eliot Happy now?

  Maggie Ecstatic.

  He regards her.

  Eliot Has anyone ever told you …

  Maggie What?

  Eliot When you’re angry –

  Maggie I’m not angry –

  Eliot Menstrual, whatever. You know who you look like? Just a little. But it is uncanny.

  Maggie Enlighten me.

  Small pause.

  Eliot Margaret Thatcher.

  Maggie Shut up.

  Eliot I’m serious. When your face catches the light. It’s remarkable.

  Maggie Leave me alone, Ellie.

  Eliot I was trying to be nice.

  Maggie Just go back to bed, all right? I’m not up for it this morning.

  Eliot She was a very sexy lady. Besides. You were named after her.

  Maggie I was not.

  Eliot Were so. Mum told me.

  Maggie She did not.

  Eliot She did. Thatcher was a hero of hers.

  Maggie starts to laugh.

  What?

  Maggie Can you not see the joke? Tell me you can … that’s hysterical.

  Eliot Why?

  Maggie Think about it.

  Eliot I don’t get it.

  Maggie Well, let’s put it this way. I’d say her hero was a kind of cross between Marilyn Monroe and … Rosemary West … that would make more sense.

  Eliot Maggie!

  Maggie You know what I mean. Thatcher? She must have been joking.

  Eliot She wasn’t. You’re the proof.

  Maggie Yeah, and you were named after T. S. Eliot.

  Eliot He is my namesake, yes.

  Maggie Name a poem.

  Eliot …?

  Maggie Just one.

  Eliot Ummm … ‘Romping in the Fields?’

  Maggie Forget it. Feel my neck.

  Eliot Not this again.

  Maggie Feel it.

  He does.

  Eliot It’s a gland, Maggie.

  Maggie It’s a lump. It’s a proper lump.

  Eliot I have one, see.

  He puts her hand on his neck.

  Maggie It’s not the same.

  Eliot You’re not dying. This is exactly the same as that headache.

  Maggie I had it for two weeks.

  Eliot You wanted a brain scan.

  Maggie Better safe than sorry.

  Eliot You’re not dying.

  Maggie Promise?

  Eliot Promise.

  Beat.

  Weirdo.

  They are on the sofa now. She relaxes a little.

  I’m hungry.

  Maggie You know what I do have …

  Eliot What?

  Maggie I saved it from the journey down. A Twix.

  Eliot Well crack it open.

  Maggie It’s a bit squashed.

  They split it in two.

  I’m sleepy.

  She leans against him.

  Eliot I heard you pattering last night. For ages.

  Maggie I couldn’t sleep.

  Eliot Pitter-patter.

  Maggie Bunnies patter. I don’t patter. I pace. I was pacing.

  Eliot Aw. Honey bunny.

  Maggie Bloody bunny.

  Eliot Bloody bunny funny.

  Maggie Crummy bunny not sunny but bloody.

  Eliot There she is.

  Maggie (really sleepy now) Here I am.

  She closes her eyes. Small pause.

  Eliot …

  Eliot Yeah?

  Maggie I don’t need to worry, do I?

  Eliot About the lump? No, Maggie.

  Maggie No … not that … you know … this.

  Eliot Of course you don’t.

  Maggie It’s only been a day.

  Eliot Exactly.

  Maggie It’s fine.

  Eliot It’s completely fine. Get some sleep.

  Maggie You’ll watch the phones?

  Eliot Shhh …

  Maggie You have to watch them.

  Eliot I’ll watch them.

  Maggie Don’t let me sleep for long.

  Eliot Let’s swap night-time with daytime. I’ll wake you when it’s dark.

  Maggie Like bats.

  Eliot (Irish accent) Like wee bats.

  She dozes off.

  Eliot slides his arm out from underneath her. He covers her with a blanket. He stands up and stretches. He pulls out a pack of cigarettes and puts one in his mouth but can’t find a lighter. Hungry for his cigarette, he rifles through the room and stumbles upon the hidden money. Checking to see that Maggie isn’t watching, he pockets two notes. Grinning, he lights his cigarette and saunters into the other room.

  SCENE TWO

  That evening. It is dark
outside. Maggie is still asleep on the sofa. Finn charges into the room. A skinny boy of seven, he is wearing only his underwear and a toy crown. An old-fashioned toy gun pokes out of his waistband. He has tribal stripes in lipstick on his cheekbones and chest. His hands and feet are splattered with paint. He tries to clean his hands by wiping them on the sofa. It doesn’t work. Maggie stirs. He spies a packet of Eliot’s cigarettes on the table. He picks one up and plays with it, pretending to be smoking. He picks up the lighter and considers it. There is a sound of the key in the door. Finn darts behind the curtains.

  Eliot enters holding a bag of Chinese takeaway. He has the same tribal lipstick marks as Finn and a silk scarf tied around his head. He removes his coat and we see he has marks on his chest also.

  Eliot creeps cheekily up to Maggie and gets up close to her ear. He makes a loud Red Indian call directly in her ear. She jumps awake.

  Maggie Twat.

  Eliot Breakfast …

  Maggie Are you serious?

  Eliot Oh yeah.

  Maggie What time is it?

  Eliot Nine-ish. You slept all day.

  Maggie Are you wearing lipstick?

  Eliot Warpaint, babes.

  Maggie Lipstick, idiot.

  Eliot I’m a modern man … I’m a metrosexual warrior … an urban fox if you will –

  Maggie Did you go out like that?

  Eliot Yeah, I did. And let me tell you, it’s a hit with the ladies –

  She pokes at the Chinese.

  Maggie Eliot, it’s cold.

  Eliot I took a while.

  Maggie It’s down the road.

  Eliot I met someone … I made a lady friend.

  Maggie In that get-up? You’re joking.

  Eliot Told you, ladies love it. Shows I’m not self-conscious. Which is, by the way, apparently, very sexy –

  Maggie Spare me the details, Rambo. How are we going to heat this up?

  Eliot In the microwave.

  Maggie Look around?

  He does.

  Do you see a microwave?

  Eliot Whoops.

  Maggie You didn’t get anything else, did you?

  Eliot I got some prawn crackers and um … well –

  Maggie I give up. Where’s Finn?

  Eliot Hiding …

  A small giggle is heard from behind the curtain.

  Oh where could he be I wonder?

  Eliot puts his hand to his mouth and makes another Red Indian call.